As a
14-year-old boy growing up in the mid-nineties, it was essential that a
certain angst-ridden blood-lust was satisfied. It may, in the case of
Leigh Whitfield, came from torturing frogs. Perhaps it would come from
beating up first-years and hanging them on cloakroom hooks, but for me it
was video games. From Streets of Rage to the Grand Theft Auto series,
violence in games has always been a draw for me, as well as thousands of
others, who may, or may not be corrupted in the brain, proving Jack
Thompson to be a genuine voice of concern. The first ‘proper’ violent
game I played, not including Doom or Duke Nukem 3D was Carmageddon. This vehicular-manslaughter simulator of extreme digital accuracy (or at least
it was to a 14 year old puberty sufferer) provided a stark choice for
gamers; race or maim. Very simple. I have yet to meet anyone who chose to
race. Carmageddon
was totally a game of its time. Grainy FMV style graphics mixed with
live-action clips and ‘new’ 3D textures. From the perspective of a
gamer back then it was a truly horrific vision of a not-too-distant future
world, dominated by violent sports and entertainment (seeing Celebrity
Love Island only makes a real world Celebrity Carmageddon more
appetising). From murky apocalyptic cityscapes to toxic waste decimation
the game gave a realistic, if slightly grainy view of the violent
racer’s future. From massive police vehicles to fantastically over the
top and kitsch vehicle design the game was, and is (if you can get it to
run, CURSE YOU XP!!!!!) a homage to the films of Roger Corman and a
fitting glimpse into the world crumbling around us. The in-car view was
actually ‘in-car’, which makes a nice change, and even sported a
grubby pair of hands. The ‘peds’ are craftily designed two-dimensional
sprites, which always appear to have more depth than they did, exploding
into a volcano of guts and gore when your vehicle bursts them like
balloons of Pedigree Chum. These are the details we crave in a driving
simulation, not realistic creases in pit crew overalls. Sigh. The
presentation of Carmageddon is something that either took a room full of
geniuses to create, or was the work of a lone sociopath. Either way it is
amazingly stylised and well-matched to the gaming content. From the
opening FMV, to the rather stark “Members of the public, you now have
one minute to reach Minimum Safe Distance” warning included within it,
through to the digitally crunching ‘bidooh’ sound when selecting
buttons on the main menus it is all incredibly industrial and mechanical.
The selection of two drivers, with differing cars allows for a bit of
variety, and the game itself never gets too far away from the original
concept. The progressive levels, including mines and cityscapes never feel
like part of a plot, more a part of an inclusive world that begs to be
explored. And explore you do, not because you have to, but because the
rather large playing areas are open to ‘your’ decisions. Sure a route
is mapped out for you, but if you have the desire, and the balls, you can
go off-road, find insane jumps, herds of irresistible peds awaiting
sadistic destruction or maybe a poor defenceless opponent stuck like a
ladybird, wheels spinning in the breeze. The car’s exteriors are
suitably clunky and filthy, no polished polygons here, just hard, rough
mechanical edges. It is something that is often ignored in futuristic
games, but dirt goes a long way to create a decent and believable future.
Ridley Scott knew it, and clearly the designers on Carmageddon knew it
too. It also came in a proper box. A game can
be defined in one of two ways: The gameplay was simple; win the race, kill every pedestrian in the zone or destroy every opponent. As I mentioned before you would have to be the human equivalent of a marshmallow to think of just racing through the level, whilst killing all the peds took immense patience and blood-lust, so most plump for taking out the enemy head-on. Each win bumps you up a position, unlocking a couple more races and you continue the pattern until you are the bloodiest battler of all. That’s it. Simple. Occasionally you are ‘challenged’ to take another player's position, which is always advised as it normally will give you a better shot at mowing down the starter official, all flags look better with a bit of spilt blood on them, I know this because Hulk Hogan told me. The simplicity of the game means one thing above all else; there is nothing other than pure anarchy to worry about. No stealth tactics, no ‘turn on the shark display’ missions that marred the third Carmageddon title and no blocky zombie rag-dolls to run down here; just two dimensional digital pedestrians, cows and American football players to mow over, under and on top of. Can’t find a jump? Launch from a direction marker then, or better still, from the front of an opponent. Nothing says satisfaction more than making a digital character scream in fear as you pilot him and his little red (or ‘her’ and ‘her’ little ‘yellow') car off of a jump at 200mph into oblivion (or any other RPG). I think it warrants a mention that after a few hundred goes on the demo
version on Matt’s PC his father was extremely concerned about the
survival of his space bar as we slammed it over and over, spinning the
car, sliding around corners and generally creating blood infused skid
marks all over the road. Some people need their priorities corrected. You
would still be able to read this article if suddenly all the spaces went.
Well, that, or you would just look at the pictures. Are you even reading
this? Carmageddon was and is a legendary title, that due to XP being
incompatible with 90% of everything vaguely PC related, has sadly slipped
into the great gaming void alongside point 'n' click adventures and
Build-engine 'Doom games'. With a rather rubbish third title being the
easiest to run, it is that title, TDR 2000 that is frustratingly the
poster boy for the Carmageddon franchise in the 21st century, and much
like Driv3r it has ruined what was an immensely fun and unique series (I
am deliberately ignoring the existence of Carmageddon 64, hoping in vain
that one day I will step out of the shower, Dallas-style and discover it
was all a dream that something so shockingly shit should appear on any
machine, let alone a Nintendo one). Ultimately those who played it back in
the day will have incredibly fond memories and those of you who didn’t I
can only recommend the PS1 version, that at least managed to feel
something like a Carmageddon game. The game was a Daily Mail/Jack Thompson
nightmare on a CD, but for the rest of us it resembled the best thing
since Page 3, and that takes some beating (mind you, so did the Page
3...), as it was not just a nudie woman, it was a glimpse into the life of
a nudie woman thanks to the editorial note at the bottom of the picture.
Who knew that topless models had such diverse interests? Perhaps some of
them played Carmageddon? I like to think that they did, topless, whilst a
slightly-balding old man shouted ‘I’d buy that for a dollar’ through
his basement flat window. Ah, the joys of a media saturated mind. You can
keep your Grand Theft Autos and your Saints Rows, Carmageddon was the
original drive-over-em-up and I won’t let you forget it. After all, ‘I
was in the war!’ * 27th
November 2006 * I was not
actually
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