|
|
|
US Title: |
Bloodsport 4: The Dark Kumite |
|
Alternative Title(s): |
Bloodsport 4: The Final Chapter |
|
Year: | 1998 | |
Written By: | George Saunders | |
Produced By: | Alan Mehrez | |
Directed By: | Elvis Restiano | |
Available Formats: | VHS (PAL & NTSC), DVD (Regions 1 & 2) | |
"Undercover On Death Row... The Final Contest is About to Begin." "The Ultimate Showdown In Martial Arts and Kickboxing!" |
Leading Cast:
John Keller
Schrek Winston Warden Preston Blaire Caesar Files |
Daniel Bernhardt
Stefanos Miltsakakis Michael Krawic Derek McGrath Lisa Stothard Ivan Ivanov Dennis Lavelle |
Review: I feel so sorry for Daniel. This has to be one of the most bizarrely directed, embarrassing, poorly-written, drug-induced, amateur-choreographed, campy, pathetically-produced movies I have ever seen in my entire life. Just what in the hell was going on here? First things first, ignore the number '4' on the title of this movie, this has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the series whatsoever. Daniel is once again our hero, but no longer as Alex Cardo, no, instead he's now the mighty John Keller! Now, poor John lives in a nightmare parallel universe, one where periods in history and Eastern Europe collide with modern America in a crazy drug-trip known as Bloodsport 4! Intrigued? I thought you might be... read on!
The police then discover that a death-certificate had been written for Schrek even though he's quite clearly alive, leading to the discovery that numerous prisoners in maximum security prisons had been executed yet there's no trace of any bodies. In order to discover what's going on, Keller and the police stage the killings of two officers at John's hands, thereby sending him to prison with Schrek, to see just what's going on in there. Once in prison, Keller learns that the warden and his boss Caesar are holding their own Kumites to the death and they want Keller to fight! And so begins the descent into madness...
Ok, so what's all this crazy talk about time-travel and warps in the space-time continuum? Well let's ask the wardrobe department about that one... who seem to have simply raided the closet of the local arts-theatre from down the street and handed out whatever crazy costumes they could find to the cast, completely regardless of their time-frame. The movie is quite clearly set in present day, as solidified by a prisoner who refers to usage of the internet...yet the journalists are still using the classic cliché press flash-cameras from the 50's. Then there's the prisoners who are all dressed like World War II concentration camp victims, whilst the guards are clad in only the finest Gestapo costumes that the low-budget could buy. During the final 'Kumite' (excuse me whilst I take a break to go cry into a tall bottle of whiskey over the shambolic destruction of the Kumite... more on that later), the onlookers are dressed in both renaissance frilly shirts and early-1900's ballroom dresses. Likewise, the guards during this scene proudly sport the latest line in classic Bugsy Malone mafia outfits that'd cause anyone of Italian descent to cry with shame.
As for Daniel, well he tries his best, but his lines are absolutely awfully-written and no matter how hard he struggles, there's just no bypassing what are simply stupidly-written lines. I hope he roundhouse-kicked the script-writer through the door of his trailer for this! The rest of the cast are just total crap - the warden played by Derek McGrath is one of the hokiest, talentless over-actors I've ever witnessed... when he's not just hanging around camping-up the scene he simply starts yelling like a possessed child until someone quite literally drags him off screen. Dennis Lavelle of Special Forces "fame" plays prison-guard, Files... and he's just as dreadful as the rest of them.
Hell what does this guy even do for a career? He doesn't seem to have a day-job, yet if he's the eccentric boss of an organized crime syndicate then I failed to notice any actual method of profit whatsoever from his schemes... however, regardless of his lack of any visible income, he still owns a Kremlin; commands legions of generic goons in silly costumes; holds lavish villainous parties for his lavish villainous friends, has complete control over the local prison and collects ancient antique weapons (and what self-respecting bad-guy doesn't?). If this isn't enough, he still finds plenty of time to lounge-around ordering girls to drape their pale bodies upon his mystical staircase that he spends all his time hanging out on (doesn't he even have any other rooms?). Interestingly of all - these girls are prepped-up and ready, lying on the staircase for any situation, even for a simple phone call! Seems somewhat redundant to me but I'm sure he feels it's all worth the effort. Anyway, let's move on from the characters and costumes... this is Bloodsport after all - what are the action scenes like? In a word... pants. In two words... total pants. In three words... I'll stop there. The fight choreographer must have been watching one-too-many episodes of the original series of Star Trek, since every punch & kick visibly misses by a mile, every actor's response to a blow is thoroughly unconvincing and overall makes the Power Rangers look like a gritty street-crime documentary. Even William Shatner would be embarrassed to have been involved in the fight scenes demonstrated in this film!
For some strange reason, scene after scene is blessed with some of the most odd direction I've ever seen, with the only source of reference I can think of is Vanilla Ice's wacky 'Cool As Ice' movie from the early 90's... only without the sunshine, the immature attempts at comedy, the platform-hair, the parachute pants and the sudden explosions into song & dance. Although those ingredients might have actually made this movie more entertaining. The directing is very similar, with rooms spinning, distorted camera angles, bizarre colored lighting, heightened overacting, warped voices and a general drug-induced trip aura to the majority of the proceedings. And so I must draw to a close. I could rant and bitch and whine and scream about how total pants this movie is all day long... but you'll get bored and never read my site again (plus I'm scared Daniel will hate me)! On the plus side of things, at least Daniel isn't ever going to star in anything worse. So I will say this much - you should actually watch it. Yes, it's absolutely terrible, but it's one of those films that's quite literally an 'experience', one that no, you're not going to enjoy at all, but should be sat through all the same. Its failings are so monumental that it deserves a viewing... at least just to say that you have - and then at least I won't have suffered alone! By the way - just something to look out for; in the opening scene of the movie, when the camera first focuses on Blaire, there's this really creepy freak just to her left, staring at her right in the face and quite forcefully grabs her hand as she pretends to ignore it... only to never have anything to do with the movie. Disturbing. |